Sunday, June 9, 2013

This nose runs in my family

Photo taken at ArtPadSF 2013 by 7x7 magazine

I got a good and very sensible question from friends Marleen and Naomi on my ArtPad post. They asked me what I wore to the event. It's a reasonable question, but it raises a multitude of issues for me. There is only one photo of what I wore and it's the one you see above and I don't like it. It's easy for me to go around photographing other people, but when it comes to showing photos of myself, my monkey mind goes on parade. All those self-sabotaging thoughts come out with the big guns blazing. 

I was flattered when the 7x7 magazine photographer asked us if she could take our photo. She suggested that I turn and look at Matt, which I did. Why oh why did I agree to that? I HATE my profile. I'm very self-conscious about my nose. It's too prominent! It's too long! And it's got a bump in it! I don't remember NOT being self-conscious about it. Every so often, someone makes a comment. I once had a fellow on a first date tell me "If your nose were smaller you would be merely pretty, but with it you are handsome." Gee thanks. We did not have a second date. I've considered doing something about it, but my loved ones protest. It's an idea I still think about.

I really feel like I'm exposing myself by posting that photo above. And if a friend posted it, I would seriously consider not speaking to them again. The silly thing is, while it's hard for me to see my own profile, others see it all the time. So who am I kidding? Vanity, vanity.

And strangely enough, as I was scribbling this story down, I remembered something. But it was such a faint memory that I wasn't sure if it was true or I made it up. I remembered hearing once that my mother had a nose job. Feeling very curious, right away I called my Aunt Caryl to ask her. My mother died at age thirty-eight, so Aunt Caryl is the keeper of the family stories. She said "Of course! Don't you remember?" I might've been about four or five at the time, so I don't. But this new knowledge has a certain power to it. If my mother had a nose job, then it's ok if I have one too! It's not like I'm running out tomorrow to stick my nose under the cosmetic knife. But I'm thinking about it...maybe...sometime? 

But back to the original question. I liked the outfit I wore. Not that you can see much of it because I'm layered in a leather jacket and scarf. Don't let the tropical pool and palm trees fool you, the San Francisco evening wind is chilly. I wore my favorite shirt, a vintage Christian Lacroix. It's a jersey knit so it's a good fit and it has a beautiful Sonia-Delaunay-Japanesy-artful print. And I wore my dark red coated denim Cop.Copine jeans with black pointy Lamberston Truex short boots. Luckily, along with this nose, a sense of style runs in my family too.

My favorite shirt. Lacroix! Lacroix! (I feel so Ab Fab saying that.)